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A guy came in with a carrot stuck in his anus.

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Said he was fishing and fell his rectum just happened to fall perfectly on a fishing pole. Recent one was a chorizo sausage. They examined him and found a vibrator lodged fairly deep. He reportedly was using it to reach an itch. Apparently the itch was in his spleen because that thing was deep. Mom told me the story, and how she had previously asked him to not itch himself with other things of hers. I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy. Patient said nothing until CT showed the mass.

Unmistakable Anal insertion items of a Barbie doll up his arse.

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He comes to, and sees his wife at his beside. She comes back in, and one of the nurses brings back the shit smeared Barbie doll, in a small, plastic bag. Wife glares at him. Anyway, this woman deadpans the entire video, and follows it up with: She Anal insertion items to tell us, in detail, about a man who stuffed a hamster into a condom, then shoved the rat-bag up his ass.

The hamster then, out of suffocation, chewed through the condom, clawed its way deep into the rectum, where it drowned in a mixture of blood and shit after shredding his colon in a frenzy. Like some fuckered South Park joke.

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She was part of the team that had to retrieve it. His mom always seemed like the demure housewife, but daaaamn. That lady has seen some shit. He was acting suspicious and kept changing his story, symptoms, site of the pain etc. He had inserted a deflated full-size basketball note—a VERY cheap one into his ass and pumped it up.

Amazingly he somehow managed to pump the ball up to the point where it popped inside his asshole. The popping is what had caused his pain, but the kicker was this: The basketball was still inside his ass and after the pop a combination of pain, presumably swelling, and it still being semi-inflated had meant he was unable to retrieve it himself.

One day an elderly man gets to Anal insertion items ER with the handle of a paintbrush up his butt. By chance, he also had a scratch on his wrist, and that was his answer to everyone: He the patient grabbed her hand and placed it on his lower abdomen, then asked if she Anal insertion items still feel it vibrating.

X-rays confirmed, sure enough he had lost his vibrator straight up his ass.

The cause of the stomach pain: The X-ray made it look like he was a real life Riddler victim. Made for a cool X-ray, possible Anal insertion items ad campaign? How was your week? On second thought, my week was actually pretty decent. One that was particularly mesmerizing was a Cheez Whiz jar with three ping pong balls in it.

The guy said he had gotten carried away.

No further explanation needed…I guess? Her best story is the guy who claimed to have been nude gardening. Impaling himself via the rectum.

After removal, and behind the scenes, one of the doctors chased her and another junior nurse around with it Anal insertion items giggles. She still cries with laughter when telling the story—especially as it had a Tesco price label still stuck on. We get to the ED and he has a very hushed conversation with the nurse. As soon as he sits down in a chair in the waiting room, two nurses come out to help him into an exam room. The next morning I wake up again at 6am to Anal insertion items pounding on my door.

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She was looking for her brother because he never came home the night before and I was the last person he was Anal insertion items with. So I tell her I took him to the hospital the morning before and he was being admitted.

We get to his room just after his doctor gave him his post-op consultation. In the end he was just loving himself too vigorously and got a marital aid stuck in his pooper. He was hunched over, not walking correctly. To give a better visual, he was walking like his stomach hurt and maybe was going to throw up.

Very slow, very calculated movements as to not disturb the juices. He is slight, average height, very skinny. Says he is constipated. I probe further, verbally of course.

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It was in a hazard waste bag X 3 for sanitary reasons. Guy calls in, bleeding significantly from his rectum. We get there to see a Costco-sized shampoo bottle inserted into his rectum, pump side out.

Anal insertion items slipped and fell while in the shower and landed rectum first on the shampoo.

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And apparently it happened again after I was done shadowing the EMTs. Just get a goddamn dildo. His explanation was something like whilst he was peeling potatoes naked of courseone fell on the floor. Nurses were like uhuh. He said he woke up on the floor and felt something strange around his rectum but it disappeared quickly into the rectum and Anal insertion items forgot about it. He had some blood-tinged stools for a few weeks, and was very surprised to find that X-rays had Anal insertion items a toothbrush in his rectum.

Apparently while passing out and falling the toothbrush improbably got shoved into the rectum as he hit the ground…ahem…and he tried to recruit me to be a clown….

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The wife was so kind and supportive but in a weird euphoric kind of way. X-ray showed a huge glass vase jammed up his rectum and above. Never found out the real story, X-ray was an impressive sight. Anal insertion items who has a history of sticking things up his butt came in for successfully putting a light bulb, in its entirety, up past his bumhole.

Of course it broke prompting his visit to the ED.

He was sent to the OR. The poor kid was moved to hematology Anal insertion items to hide him from media and nosy residents. After deep check up Anal insertion items appropriate tools, my friends found very intense abnormal fucked up irritation which could only have been caused by an external product.

That scared him his pants off and he started talking. So here is the story: He was having a 4some in his garden with his wife and an other couple. So that guy was in the passive position obviously and his partner of the moment was missing lubricant.

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Why the fuck not?! Middle-aged man that refused to acknowledge the can of shaving cream in his butt.

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The full-sized Barbisol can of shaving cream, cap off, nozzle up nestled in his colon. Guy went to surgery. Patient presented with complaints of abdominal pain.

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X-ray showed Nu-Grape pop bottle in the transverse colon. Guy came in with a pink vibrator stuck in his rectum. Had to go to surgery Anal insertion items get it out. We got it out through his anus as opposed to having to open up his abdomen.

If it sits too long inside you, it can erode through the wall and spill stool inside your abdomen Anal insertion items emergency. He said someone threatened to kill him with a razor blade and this must be what is happening. So we did a gastroscopy and found a fucking spoon stuck in his pylorus with the long end having punctured his duodenum. Later we found out the whole razor blade story was fake and he was just looking for a breath of fresh air. He was admitted, and while he was chatting with the doc, the man was visibly uncomfortable.

So the doc ordered an X-ray to be done. Once the results were out, the doctor was standing at the X-ray machine, just staring at it, until my friend walked by.

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However, once she saw the X-ray, she understood completely. The doctor asked the man if he had anything to tell him. The man stuttered, and it took a while to drag the info out of him. But anyway, at the end of this story, the man had to get surgery to remove the apple from his rectum.


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